When life’s timing is off in a relationship...
Hi Jen,
So I like this guy...
his name is ****. However; he's almost 21 and I'm almost 18. I told my parents about him and that I thought he was really good for me, because he has literally all the traits that I would look for in a potential boyfriend.
When I told them about the age gap, they immediately said no. I'm going into my junior year of high school, and he'll be a sophomore in college. I've asked lots of people and they all have the same response. While the age doesn't seem like a big deal, they say we are at totally different stages in our life so it just can't work. They don't object me being friends with him, but it's hard because we both like each other and it seems like this one thing is getting in the way of my happiness.
What do you think? Is it really just not feasible for us to be together? It hurts my heart. Why does it always seem like I just can't be lucky in love? Any advice would be appreciated.
THAT'S A TOUGH POSITION TO BE IN,
---and I totally understand how hard it is. Unfortunately though, you’ll find that quite often in life timing is off and we just have to accept that— 20 and 17, although a few years doesn’t seem like a huge difference, you’re at pretty different points in your life right now with a lot going on. Timing could be off for people of all ages, not just a high school / college issue. My last relationship ended mainly due to timing, we were both at different stages with conflicting priorities, and quite frankly I wasn’t ready for anything serious.
Not being together (for now) doesn’t mean you don’t care about each other or can’t keep in touch and remain great friends. You can still talk and be in each others lives, but romantically it’s probably not the best time to be together. This very well could be a case of “right guy, wrong timing.” As much as we don’t like to admit it, our friends and family tend to know best as they genuinely want what’s best for you- and outside perspectives should always be considered. I know it may not be what you want to hear, but more often than not it's the right advice.
Don’t let any person or outside influence affect your happiness, though. Your happiness is no one’s responsibility but your own! I’ve fallen in love and gotten my heart broken multiple times since I was 17… and I know it feels like the end of the world, but you’ll be just fine. Count your blessings, stay busy with things that make you feel happy and fulfilled and your days of love will come I promise. Maybe it’ll be with **** down the road, maybe you’ll find someone else that’s even more perfect for you. But I do know that you’ll be lucky in love some day ☺
All the best xx
Jen
UPDATE:
You probably won't remember me, but I reached out to you last summer because I wanted your advice on if the guy I was pursuing was right (he was in college I'm in high school and other factors) and you told me to remember that the timing isn't necessarily right but the time will come for you to find someone. And I just wanted to thank you for telling me to wait for the one that it comes naturally with. I met him. His name is ******* and he (at least for right now) fits me. I won't say that he's my other half because I believe I'm a whole and he's a whole, but I'm just so glad that you told me to wait because if I had gone ahead with the other relationship I wouldn't be in the place that I am now with ******. So THANK YOU. I am extremely grateful.
Have a question? Need some advice on love/beauty/life? I got you, lets talk.