Awaiting a proposal from my boyfriend, will it ever come?
q u e s t i o n: Hi Jen! I've been dating a man for over 4 years, we've been living together for about a year and a half. We have discussed getting married but every time I bring it up, he gives me a vague response. And we are both older so the subject of marriage isn't a touchy subject. But he will introduce me to people as his wife! Yet he doesn't seem like he's in any hurry to propose. I told myself 6 months ago that if he didn't propose by the time we hit 4 years, I would call it quits. Well that came and went already and I'm still here. I don't want to be the woman who pushes her boyfriend into a proposal but at the same time, if he's not ready after 4 years, how much longer should i have to wait?
Oh girl. I'm frustrated for you.
Don't feel like you're being out of line or pushy. Bottom line is, he's dragging his feet.
I've never been a huge fan of living together before an engagement for this reason exactly. It's like they feel as if they're already married, because they're getting all the benefits of an actual marriage… so what's the motivation to actually get married?
There's a quote my dad told me (scaring me out of living with a BF lol)… "Why buy the cow when you already get the milk for free?" Harsh analogy I know, but this is how these guys subconsciously think. Like you said, he even introduces you as his wife! Reason being, it already feels like he has one.
If marriage is really what you want, you need to find out ASAP if this is something he can give to you. It's time to have a serious talk... don't let him blow you off or give you vague bull sh*t that all guys love to give... he's clearly gotten away with doing that for too long.
There are two things that need to be made CRYSTAL CLEAR to him during this chat:
1. How much an engagement means to you and that you're ready for it.
Reinforce to him how much an engagement means to you. Make sure he know how much you love him, and that you're really looking forward to that next step.
2. He's going to lose you (soon) if it doesn't happen.
I think it's great you gave yourself a 6 month time frame, but the issue here is it seems like you haven't communicated this to him. (also, you still stuck around) He's gotten way too complacent and the main reason is he doesn't know how serious you are about this. He needs to be scared. t's time for him to get his sh*t together and know that there's a real possibility of losing you if he doesn't.
... maybe suggest living on your own for a while? Gauge his response.
I wouldn't necessarily give him a time frame... because then he'll just feel boxed in and forced to do it. Instead, reinforce to him that marriage is what you're looking for, and if this isn't going to happen you need to know ASAP so that YOU can make a serious decision about the relationship. Plain and simple.
A genuine realization of losing you forever will shift his perspective and get him thinking about Jared's (preferably Tiffany's or De Beers, lets hope for the best).
Stand your ground, be firm with him and let him know exactly where you're at and what you want.
Remember: communicating something that's important to you isn't being pushy!! It's an important component to every relationship. If this scares him away, or he isn't able to talk about it... then he probably isn't the one. I'm going to stay positive on this one though!
Pour yourself a glass of wine and sit this boy down for a much needed convo. It's time!
GOOD LUCK! Keep me posted...
With love,
Jen x